be still...

Can't remember the last time that I actually spent an hour and a half to myself with nothin to do but just think. Usually I have a tendancy to fill that time up with something "productive". Beginning to see that maybe that's not neccisarily the best thing...

Just returned from a hike in the woods around the corner from our new potential home. As i was walking I began to get completely overwhelmed by everything that was going on in life... new marriage, mixed family, pending move south which involves new job, new house, new friends, new schools for the kids, the kids leaving there mom, and much more...most of which is not negative just alot to process all together.

Then I started hearing two words in my head repetatively...

BE STILL... BE STILL... BE STILL... get the picture? well I wasn't at first.

Then it hit me! Those were the words that Jesus had spoken to the waves when his closest friends and companions thought that all was lost. They thought That there was no hope. No way of getting out of this horrific situation. And when everything seemed to prove disaterous he simply spoke "Be still" and the waves calmed. Disaster overted!

Then I started hearing BE STILL, and KNOW....

What???

What"s that have to do with any of the previous? EVERYTHING!! Because He has the power to calm the storm, and because of that we need to Be Still, and Know that He is God... The Big Man's got this!!

So as I continue on my hike deeper into the woods I start trying to personalize that and see how that fits into current situation..

In the last 48 hrs I went from having no idea of what I would be doing down here to feed my family to being offered an amazing job in an excellent company. We also went from not having any idea where we would be living in two months to finding a potential home that will perfectly fit our needs and budget.

Wow!! Where did that come from?

Then He gave me the answer..

Don't trust in the things that we know... but in everything we do...EVERYTHING!!!..trust in Him...and He will direct the path!....He has directed....He is directing...he will direct!!

so BE STILL!!!

rough times to rollerskates

Anyone who knows me knows that im not a reader...and definately not a writer!

Never quite understood the whole"blogging" thing, but i'm gonna give this a shot so here it is...

Growing up you have this fantasy of what your life is going to be. Job, Where you want to live, How many kids you want, what you want in a wife.

Then somewhere along the line life happens.

Every decision that you make drastically affects the rest of your life. You quit college which puts you in a career you never saw for yourself. You live where you have to cuz you can't afford to go anywhere else. Ypou fall in love with and start a life with someone that is nothing like the person you dreamed of being with.

Does this make your life bad, or wrong?....NO! Just different than that life that you dreamed of.

My life has pretty much been exactly that. Not growing up doing what I thought that I wanted to do. Living places I really didn't care for. Pursuing a relationship for all the wrong reasons, not caring that there were not similar goals on which a marriage should be based. Working at job that for years I despised, but doing what had to be done to care for my family.

In hindsight has life this far been a disaster?

Absolutely not.

Moving around and living in different places has allowed me to learn that stablity in my family is not the house that you live in or where its at. Its how you choose to manage that house while you are there. Giving your family the stability through consitancy in your relationship with them. Its just a house. Its just a town.

My first marriage was full of ups and downs. It would be a lie to say that good times weren't had...because there were many. I was blessed with 4 beautiful amazing children out of it , whether they were biologically mine or not. Incredible, talented, beatiful children. They have been the joy of my life, and sometimes have though that they were going to be the end of me :P.

This relationship didn't make it. Why? I've asked this question a thousand times and am just starting to understand bits and pieces of it. Bottom line: differences in the goals of the marriage, and differences in foundational standards for ourselves and our family.

Over the past 15 years having worked at many different jobs, not one of them was my dream? What I wanted to be when I grew up! From Pizza shops to Youth Ministry, Print shops to Construction...I've come to realize that it doesn't matter what you are doing, that we all have God given talents that we can't be wasting.The satisifaction of our job or career does not come from how much money that we make or how many people that we please...but from giving everything that we have in every aspect of what we are doing, and knowing that we gave it our best! The praise of others and recognition for a job well done is just an added perk!

Every one of these experiences in my life, as with all of us, brings us to a place where hopefully we can look at the things that have happened in our life and learn from them. We can see  what we need, what we want, what we should do, what we shouldn't do.

Not to get all Godly... but the truth is...if we really want that fairy tale life we dreamed of as a kid we have to throw our hands up and let God take the wheel. Sounds cheesy I know, but for the first time in my life I am really, really starting to understand that.

Now with all that said....

That's past!

Now is present!

Over the last couple years my head started wandering back to...what do I want to be when I grow up? where do I want to live and raise my family? Am I supposed to be with someone and if so what do I want in her?

Kindof fun actually toying around in your head with all these ideas. Dream again!!  Like a chance to start over!! A chance to pick up the pieces and walk in what I know is right.

In the middle of all these scenarios and ideas, dreams started coming true without even knowing it. Miraculous, incredible events that have completely turned life upside down!!

And it all started with rollerskates....

Who knew that the little girl in Minnie Mouse rollerskates, with whom I skated around with at an elementary school skating party would grow up to be that girl in my dreams.

Who knew that we would reconnect years later and our would relationship would grow into a love that I never before even understood could exist between to people?

Who knew that a frienship between two people could be so strong and continue to strengthen.

Where did this amazing woman come from who has a smile that lights up a room and just radiates pure joy.

This woman so incredibly beautifulI!!

Who would have thought that I would be able to spend the rest of my life with someone that shared my standards and morals. My desires for a Godly upbringing of our children. Someone so sacrificial and loving that consistantly puts mine and others needs before her own?

A woman who, on rollerskates :P, said yes, 17 years later!!

Still trying to take it all in. How did this all happen?

Where is it taking us?  What jobs? Where? I'm not sure!! But we're doing it together

Our future is so full of unknown... a chance to live out our dreams. Make them reality!!

To live is the ultimate adventure!!